Steve Loves You

Sumthin' I wrote today!

Because what is war, and who are we
To take these hearts and make them bleed
And take the lives that we can't see
And claim we're setting people free?

Tah!

- Steve

Ok. How y'all doing?

This is your chance to tell Steve about anything and everything that's going on in your life, or in the world. (I'm out of touch with everything, including international news)

Goodnight!

It is 9:47 pm on the 19th of September, 2006, and most people who are going to read this update have already talked to me about what I'm going to write.

So, I have been told what team I'm on and where I'm going to be going. I'm on Team 2, which is a travelling team, and I'm going to be traversing the country!

In case your interested, here is my Schedule!

1. Thunder Bay, Ontario
2. Prince George, British columbia
3. Edmonton, Alberta
4. Nelson, British Columbia
5. London, Ontario
6. Toronto, Ontario
7. Hamilton, Ontario
8. St. Catherine's, Ontario
9. Antigonish, Newfoundland
10. Toronto, Ontario

So that's where I'm going to be throughout the year, with a two week Christmas break between Nelson and London.

We also discovered our team roles today. I am going to be the Music Leader, Host, and Recruiter.

Training is going well. We're learning lots of dramas and how to give talks and stuff like that. Next week we're going to be putting on mock retreats, for experience. It should be pretty intense. Don't worry, though. I'll be able to handle it.

Comissioning mass is on the 30th at the Notre Dame Cathedral downtown, if anyone is interested. I leave the following day.

There's a guy from New Zealand on my team.

More updates to come!
Until next time, I remain
Yours Truly

Thankyou, St. Mary's parish, for the $1237!

ALRIGHT!
Here are the top 18 photos from 2006 at the cottage!
Brace yourself.

Y'ever get really tired without feeling tired, but you KNOW that you're tired because strange things start to happen? Like, for example, just now when I stood up to get food and my leg decided to give out without my telling it to and I fell to the ground, because my leg felt like taking the evening off or something! STRANGE!

There is currently a song stuck in my head (suprise suprise)! It is a very rare thing that there is not some song or other stuck in Steve's head. I often wonder if it could EVER be so. Right now it is Time of Our Lives by David Usher, thanks to Marc Andre pointing out that God of Wonders has the same chord progression. Now I'm listening to Time of Our Lives. I absolutely adore the intro. I just squeezed a wire and my left speaker started working again.

I once saw a man on fire
Staring at his window
Watching as the flames grew higher and higher
I thought that i saw him cry
Or was he only laughing
As his life went rushing on..

And maybe we're just like him..
Maybe we're all waiting
For our moment to begin

Awesome lyrics!
Alright. Mike's got something crazy planned for tomorrow, so I'd better head off to bed.
Goodnight you crazy monkey-loving, spaztic, wonderful people!

Hugs all around!

- Steve

For anyone interested, I have made a new livejournal account dedicated to my time on NET: http://steve-on-net.livejournal.com/

Realisation: Only the deceived deceive.

Hey! Who wants to go running in the rain tonight! Nothing like rain on a hot day like this!

He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven

Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

---YEATS!

I like that poem lots.

It hurts when two people you love hurt each other, : (

I am organizing a large gathering of people somewhere at some point.
What is the occasion? Me! Because I'm going away and I'm throwing a party for myself.
It's an easy way to say goodbye to everyone all at once.
A time or place has not yet been decided. If anyone wants to offer their house/backyard, feel free.
'twill be an evening thing, I think. Praise music under the stars would be nice...
Anyhow, further news on that will come. Anyone interested?

Toodles and the like.

- Steve loves you

P.S. I bathed!

As for my weekend at Steubenville....

The whole thing was quite enjoyable for me, and though I did not recieve the immense, dramatic outpourings of grace and healing that caused others to laugh, cry, shake, and hyperventilate, I WAS touched by the Holy Spirit and did experience the healing love of God in a more peaceful way which I will now relate to you:

It was during adoration on Saturday evening that the healing occured, but allow me to first provide some background as to the wounds that were the object of this healing. As suprising as it may sound, I have had issues with my self-esteem for a while. Not even I was aware of it until about a month ago, but for years I've been supressing self-doubt and a destructive fear of my own inadequacy. These wounds against my soul were most likely the result of childhood experience which involved being ignored by others, lacking friends, and feeling altogether separate from the social norm. As a result, I have found myself needing to prove my worth to others and have them appreciate me in order to feel satisfied. Everyone has a need for love, and I tried to satisfy that need in other people instead of in God. During adoration on Saturday evening, however, while I had my hands in the air and was singing praise songs to God and Fr. Stan was doing the Eucharistic procession, I looked up at Jesus and He told me to stop. He said, "Stop. It's my turn now. You're going to stand there and listen to me tell you how much I love you." So I stood and listened as I was filled with an immense peace with the undeniable truth that Jesus loves me just as I am. In that moment I felt entirely like myself. I felt like Steve. I was able to see who I was very clearly and love myself, because I knew that God loved me. I didn't cry or laugh hysterically, although I did laugh a little. I didn't fall down or feel numb or anything like that, but I did feel healed and renewed. I felt whole and still feel whole. I feel like I've been set free from the chains of self-doubt.

I was also inspired by Fr. Stan's homily. On the weekend we heard lots of stories about how God had touched people's lives. He said that we'd heard enough stories and that it was now our turn to go out into the world and be story-makers....give other people stories and testimonies of God's love and truth. I reall want to do that.

There it is, folks! thankyou all for being absolutely amazing! I will never forget those wonderful Kentuckians as well as the other 50 or so people I met that weekend.

Gotta run, Ruth's here!

love love love,
- Steve

What a wonderful day!

This post I dedicate to Jesus Christ. Let me tell you about how wonderful God is, and don't be thinking I've been brainwashed into believing something. Don't be thinking that I only love God because that's what I was taught to do. This is not something that has been forced upon me. This is an amazing truth that I have discovered.....that all goodness, all love, all true peace, and all true joy, comes from God.

I have also discovered that God is not simply some far-off being who intervenes on Earth when the need arises. He is in every moment and is united with everything that is good. He is the air we breathe, the very life within us. I see sunsets and thunderstorms and flowers and beautiful mornings and sparkling snow and most of all, millions of beautiful people...and I wonder, how can anyone see all of this and not believe that God exists? How can anyone see all of the things God has given them, not to mention their very own life, and not believe that God loves them? The truth is that God did give life to you and I. We turn away from Him despite that and aren't nearly as grateful as we should be. He gave us life and we chose death, so what did He do? He died for us so that we could live again. He took full responsibility for all of our wrongs and suffered the pain of that. That's a lot of love. That's more love than I can fathom. It's a love so consuming that it scares me sometimes. I don't thank God enough for the intense personal relationship He allows us to have with Him, and I don't talk about Him nearly enough. People are supposed to talk about what they are passionate about! I ought to give a whole lot more of my life to God in thanks that He gave it to me.

I mean, I look at all of you guys and the beauty I see in your eyes and the fire of life that shines from you is so intensely beautiful that I can't bear it sometimes. I wish I could make you all see how beautiful you are. I wish I could make you all see how beautiful God is and how much He loves you and desperately wants you to be closer to Him.

Am I coming through, here? There is nothing greater than this truth! Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. I know that for certain! sure there are times when I am surrounded by pain and darkness, and in those times I sometimes doubt God's love for me, but I know deep within my heart the He is always there and would never let anything horrible happen to me unless I turned my back on Him and walked away, but even then He's always waiting for me to come walking back into his arms. He's always ready to catch me when I fall. He's always there to help me back up again. He's the air I breathe. He is the life of my soul. He is the constant comforter and eternal lover  of every person on this planet.

Let's hear it for God

Today started out horribly. I was frustrated with everyone and angered by the slightest things...which was so different because I'm never like that. I didn't know how to handle it. I couldn't stand the sound of my mother's voice, and I wanted to run away from everything. Then I went to St. Mary's in the evening, and somewhere between when I left my house and got back...things changed. I walked back into my house and I was blown away by how beautiful everyone was and I couldn't believe how I'd been feeling earlier, because everything looked suddenly wonderful to me. Because of this, everyone is getting hugs tomorrow. I totally forgot the fact that I'm graduating tomorrow. I was distracted by the fact that I'm going to be seeing certain people at commencement. Cry if you need to guys, there has rarely been a better time. I love you all passionately, and I mean that.

"One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall.....and next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all."
- Dan Fogelberg

Love,
- Steve

The floor of the OC Transpo bus looks like a starry night sky if you are sitting on the bus at night and the lights inside the bus are off and you are stopped next to a streetlight on the sidewalk.

Mark Fischer and I developed a new style of martial arts during our walk home today. It is based entirely upon the philosophy that the "cheap" shot is the "best" shot. Go for their knees, crotch, and eyes. Use distractions (such as silly faces) and a friend running up behind them in order to effectively deal a cheap blow. We came up with many moves and ways to decieve the enemy for long enough that you are able to kick said enemy squarely between the legs. Try and get them to bend over, if possible. Here's a good one: "My shoelace appears to be undone. Would you please tie it for me?" *WHACK!* ....."groan".

Sleepy time!

Goodngiht.

Love,

- Steve

P.S. I won an award today for "best attempt at murdering audience members." Ah yes, the exlpoding cup incident of '06! A shard of it hit you, didn't it Kalyn? It didn't kill you, though. My apologies. I'll try harder next time. HAHAHA! just kidding.







And sleep depravation consumes him.....

Whenever I spend time downtown, I have stories to tell.

Story #1: Had a religious arguement with some random guy on the bus who said that organized religion is horrible. He told me never to put my religion before my country. I asked him if that meant that I should always put man before God. He didn't have an answer.

Story #2: I played on Spark street for 15 minutes before I got kicked off for not having a permit (much to the dissapointment of the construction workers on lunch break across the street) but in those 15 short minutes, I made 15 dollars. Yes, that's right....$1/minute.

Story #3: I found a really peaceful place to sit and play guitar by the canal under a tree on a grassy slope. I'll show you sometime!

Story #4: I met an 18 yr old homeless girl begging for money and talked to her for a while. Her arms were completely covered in scars. She wasn't making much so I sat down next to her and opened up my guitar case and started playing. Together, her and I made about 20-30 dollars for her! It was cool. (I know that was very nice of me, so you don't need to say it. I'm also aware that I am prideful!) 90% of the money came from a group of about 10 kids who walked by. I swear every single one of them put in at least a dollar...it was nuts.

Story #5: Crazy gypsy/hippie guy starting telling me all sorts of weird stuff about God.....like how Jesus apparently came to North America and made babies with the natives...and how he smokes because his spirit is made of smoke...and how he likes to bend the law and make his own laws....and all sorts of weird stuff!

Story #6: Altogether I made about $60 but gave about half of it to that girl. I figure if I get up early in the morning, buy a permit, and go downtown for 6-7 hours a day.....in 10 days I could make about $1000. Not bad. I could survive on my own with my own rented room simply buy doing what I love downtown each day. That makes me happy. I'm no longer worried about my future.

Love you all like lemonade!

- Steve

Tomorrow = experiment.

I plan on seeing how long I can play my guitar downtown tomorrow before my voice dies, my fingers bleed, my guitar strings break, or I fall alseep standing up.

Should be interesting!

I'm also going to see how much money I can make downtown in one day.

--- And so the conversation slips
Among the velleities and carefully caught regreats
Through attenuated tones of violins
Mingled with remote cornets
And begins.
 - T.S. Eliot

Alright! Here's how it is!

He/She who provides the most satisfactory interpretation of the Habington poem in my last update will recieve three hugs from yours truly!

- Steve

17th Century people new how to get the girls.
Plus, they spelt words in the coolest of ways!
I have not made any spelling errors in the following recitation...that's just how they were spelled, and it's awesome!

To the Right Honourable the Countesse of C.

Should the cold Muscovit, whose furre and stove
Can scarse prepare him heate enough for love,
But view the wonder of your presence, he
Would scorne his winters sharpest injury:
And trace the naked groves, till he found bayse
To write the beautious triumphs of your prayse.
As a dull Poet even he would say,
Th' unclouded sun had never showne them day
Till that bright minute; that he now admires
No more why teh coy Spring so soone retires
From their unhappy clyme; it doth pursue
The sun, and he derives his light from you.
Hee'd tell you how the fetter'd Baltick Sea
Is set at freedome, while the yce away
Doth melt at your approach; how by so faire
Harmonious beauty, their rude matters are
Reduc't to order; how to them you bring
The wealthiest mines below, above the Spring.
Thus would this wonder speake. For he would want
Religion to beleeve, there were a Saint
Within, and all he saw was but the shrine.
But here I pay my vowes to the devine
Pure essence there inclos'd, which if it were
Not hid in a faire cloud, but might appeare
In its full lustre, would make Nature live
In a state equall to her primitive.
But sweetly thats obscur'd. Yet through our eye
Cannot the splendor of your soule descry
In true perfection, by a glimmering light,
Your language yeelds us, we can guesse how bright
The Sunne within you shines, and curse th' unkind
Eclipse, or else our selves for being blinde.
How hastily doth Nature build of up
To leave him so imperfect? For he can
See nought beyond his sence; she doth controule
So farre his sight he nere discern'd a sould.
For had yours beene the object of his eye;
It had turn'd wonder to Idolatry.

- William Habington

I love it! I love it! I love it!!!
Do you?

Love,
- Steve

I saw many fireflies last night.
I've got a wicked sunburn on my neck and a tan-line that would make any farmer jealous.
If you want good 2:00am brooding music, listen to Aria by Bach.
It's good for sitting and staring and thinking deep thoughts in a dimly lit room.
Hot Hot Heat's got some sweet beats and melodies.
This week should be interesting.....lets see what impulses Steve gives into when he no longer has school to distract him!!!
It feels good to tell yourself not to do something and then do it anyways because you can't remember why not....
My neice is cute. Anyone who disagrees is really....strange.

I've got a feeling it's gonna be a late night.
Who wants to hang out this week......I'm slowly starting to plan get-togethers
Ruth, Rob, Andre, Kalyn, Mike, Ted, Martin, and everyone else......that means YOU!
Oh yeah...gotta love that emo punk rock. Three cheers for the All-American Rejects!!

Love you all passionately.

- STEVE STEVE STEVE

It's thinking about raining outside. I wonder whether it will follow through?
I think I'm addicted to late night walks....especially when I'm sleep-deprived. I'm not sure that's a good thing.
At least it's good to know I'll have stories to tell the young 'uns when I'm an old man.

For now I will revel in the fact that highschool is out forever and I will never have to take math or science again in my life.
I think I'll do my revelling under the stars...
I'm gonna get me a pop tart and sit in my backyard and thank God for the end of highschool.
I'm also going to probably cry a bit about it's being over. It's one of the most bittersweet things I've experienced of late.
It feels awesome to be gone, but it sucks to leave.

Alright, I'm off.

Goodnight


- Steve